People believe that they should stay in marriage until death does them apart even if the marriage is abusive simply because “God hates divorce and marriage was instituted by God”.
Hamisi Bakari (not her real name), a survivor of gender-based violence (GBV) went against societal expectations and social norms to divorce her husband.
The mother of two says that marriage ceases to be meaningful when you are being poisoned by going through gender-based violence all in the name of saving the marriage.
Ms. Hamisi decided to file a divorce against her husband whom she says tortured her psychologically. This she says made her develop a phobia and fear of men and also lost trust in everyone.
She adds that she took the decision so to save her two children from being affected by the abusive marriage. “I saw the need to walk out of the abusive marriage so that my children are not affected by it. I did not want my children to take violence against women as normal – where my son would see abusing women as normal thing while my daughter grows up knowing that because she is a woman she should be abused.”
After filing the case, the husband sold all the properties they had to ensure that Ms. Hamisi did not benefit from any of the properties.
“We had a rental house with 12 rooms, two motorbikes, and a Mpesa shop. All these he sold,” says Ms. Hamisi.
She adds that she walked out of her marriage to act as an example to women who are having similar experiences in their marriage. She also wanted to send a message that GBV should not be encouraged and that a woman can also take care of her kids alone.
After having a successful divorce, she faced stigmatization from the community. “After the divorce, I was afraid of how people will take me because in our culture, the Mijikenda, as long as your parents were paid the bride price, you are not expected to walk out of that marriage and when you do all fingers will be pointed at you.”
The healing processes
After getting the divorce, Ms. Hamisi says she needed to go through a healing process so that she comes out of her phobia and fear of men. “When I was done with the divorce process, I needed to heal. So, I sought the services of a counselor where I would have two sessions per week. At the onset narrating the ordeal was painful, but as time went by, I grew over it to point of counseling other women who are going through GBV in their marriage a similar case that I went through.”
She calls upon the state and non-state actors to invest in GBV prevention and response approaches such as psychosocial support services to come to the aid of many women and girls who are suffering silently in abusive marriages.
CCGD continues to work with the state and non-state actors in the prevention and response to GBV through various programs including the partnership with Kajiado, Kwale and Busia County Governments to support t establishment of Gender Based Violence Recovery Centres to provide clinical and psycho-social services to GBV survivors.
